General Drunken Idiocy
by teddibear16
Summary: In which the New Directions go to Puck's house for a party. Request from dancingwhilefaling!


**Hello hello! I wrote this story for my awesome friend Chloe at around midnight last night.~ On here she's dancingwhilefalling, on deviantart she's IAmMurdoc, and on tumblr she's coffeepits. GO FIND HER. xD**

Warnings: crack. SO MUCH CRACK. Same sex sexualness-ness (but not actual sex), cussing, general drunken idiocy

**Pairings: Britney/Santa, Implied Quinn/Santa, Implied Rachel/Quinn, Finn/Blaine, Mike/Kurt, Implied Kurt/Blaine, Implied Tina/Mike, Sam/Mercedes if you squint.**

**Artie is currently in Canada and was unable to attend. XD**

They had all known it was going to end badly the moment Noah Puckerman invited glee club over for a "friendly get-together", but they all insisted afterwards that it, "seemed like a good idea at the time".

s e p a r a t o r

Britney squealed happily as Santana licked up the trail of alcohol on her stomach, smiling at both the sound she elicited from her girfriend and the sweet flavouring of the whiskey. She wondered momentarily what flavour it was. Whipped cream maybe? She shook her head slightly in dismissal of her thoughts as she leaned up and captured Britney's lips in a passionate kiss, leaning over her in an almost predatory manor.

Britney's head was spinning as she eagerly returned the kiss, twining her fingers in Santana's hair. She tasted better than usual, she noted. Reluctantly, she pulled away and grabbed the bottle that was just used to soak her stomach and a good portion of her undergarments, taking a long swig of it. The room spun wildly as she bounced to the beat of the music, imagining herself to be in a night club instead of Puck's basement. She was suddenly pulled to the right (or was that her left? She could never remember.) and brought once again into a whipped cream flavoured kiss.

A loud holler came from somewhere near her and her girlfriend, and she opened her eyes to see it was Puckerman, practically _jacking off _ to the sight of them making out. She decided to let him enjoy himself for as long as he could and backed Santana up against a wall, running her hands down her sides and moaning quietly into the kiss.

_'Lucky Bitch.' _Quinn thought bitterly to herself as she watched Britney practically _throwing herself _at Santana. She took another long sip of her beer, leaning back against the recliner and closing her eyes. Her illness was beginning to subside, meaning she had finally drank enough to become numb. She smiled slightly, and a bit bitterly, tracing the rim of her beer bottle gently with her fingers.

"Poor Quinn..." Rachel murmured quietly, watching the blonde woman stare longingly at Santana and Britney. She set her margarita down (if not a bit sadly) and made her way slowly towards the petite blonde, stumbling quite a bit along the way. "Hey," She whispered, sliding into her lap and putting an arm around her next lazily. Quinn's eyes flew open, staring at the small Jewish girl in her lap. "What're you- I- ...Hey." She returned lamely, setting her beer on a sidetable with a small _dink_. Rachel began a long, jumbled speech about how sweet she was and how she shouldn't have to be in the closet and that she deserves someone, which turned into a confusing mess of badly slurred words just seconds into the rant. Quinn stared blankly. _'Is she coming onto me?' _

Blaine got to his feet, stumbling dangerously, wearing that same obnoxiously cocky smile on his face. He grabbed the hand nearest to him, hoping it was someone decent to dance with. At this point, he was so wasted that his vision was blurred badly, so that just about every face was beyond recognition unless they were just inches away.

Finn Hudson stared in surprise at the short, curly haired man that was pressed against him, swaying much to slow for the current song. He was smiling dreamily, and was obviously too drunk to know or care who he was dancing with. Swallowing and clearing his throat awkwardly, he tried to step back from the young man in front of him. Although, being someone who was already naturally a klutz, and having his reactions and coordination muddled by the rather large amount of alcohol he'd already consumed, he stumbled backwards and fell, ending up with Blaine on top of him, giggling madly.

"Well, I didn't know you liked it that way, but if you're gonna be like that..." The shorter of the two began too lift the other's shirt, still smiling that annoying cocky, dazed smile. Finn gasped at the contact, having already been turned on a bit from watching Santana and Britney making out earlier. Between his partial arousal and the alcohol, the younger teen's hand practically _burned _against his skin.

Kurt glanced up, giggling quietly from the way the sweet, watermelon flavoured alcohol made his head spin more and more with every sip. It was the first time he'd ever actually allowed himself to get _wasted_ wasted, and he was fucking loving it. That is, until his eyes fell upon his boyfriend practially _molesting_ his step brother. Oh no. This most certainly would not do. However, instead of going over and demanding to know what the hell they were doing, he looked for someone he could get back at Blaine with. His eyes fell on a very intoxicated Mike Chang. _'Perfect,'_ he thought to himself with a seductive smirk.

He made his way drunkenly over to the other man, sliding onto the couch next to him. When Mike regarded him with a cheerful smile and a breathy 'hello', Kurt grabbed both of his cheeks in his hands and planted a deep, sloppy kiss on his lips. Mike didn't struggle much. He let out a soft "Mmph!" Before curiously returning the kiss. He was drunk enough to not realize that one, he had a girlfriend, two, Kurt had a boyfriend, and three, that he was straight.

Tina returned from the mini-fridge, drink in hand, only to find her boyfriend making out heatedly with Kurt Hummel. Instead of pulling him off, she found herself a bit... Well, turned on. She froze in her tracks and watched with an almost morbid curiosity as Kurt quite obviously dominated the kiss between the two, pulling her boyfriend closer and closer. She sat down on the arm of the couch and took a sip of her drink, not taking her eyes off of the two.

Sam stood confidently, setting his drink on the table, as he made his way over to where Mercedes was sitting with a bottle in hand, giggling wildly at something that nobody else even knew about. He sat next to her and smiled charmingly. "What's so funny, beautiful?" He wondered, sliding an arm around her waist gently. She just shook her head and continued giggling. He smiled to himself, finding that he, too, was beginning to chuckle.

Noah Puckerman crossed his arms, surveying his drunken friends scattered around his basement. He himself was completely level headed, as he had refrained from indulging in any alcoholic substances. Instead, he decided to set up his own little in-home movie, his friends starring in it. And not just figuratively, either. He'd set up video cameras all around his basement so that he could capture every single one of his friends and their complete and total drunken idiocy. He smirked to himself devilishly, happy that his plan had succeeded.

**Well, I hope you like it. xD I know it's bad and probably has a thousand typos, but I'm sure you're going to live with it. Anywho. Please review! Also, would you like me to upload the morning after? I already have it written.**

ALSO. I do requests. So shoot me a message, or an email. teddibear16 at gmail dot com.


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